Be Careful About Getting Offended On God's Behalf

America has just legalised same-sex marriage, and while this makes lots of people happy, it is bound to be a real affront to many. My advice to those affronted is quite simple: stop getting offended on God's behalf about things that are none of your business. People suffering in poverty is your businesses - why not focus more attention on that?

I find it quite peculiar that so many Christians are consumed by issues like homosexuality, women bishops, divorcees remarrying, and those kinds of issues with which so many church members are preoccupied. I don’t know why they get so uptight about these things, because virtually nobody that peddles this propaganda really believes it - it’s just the case that they have been swayed by the impetus of the cultural power that underwrites these issues. 

Christians think they are against them, because it’s so easy to create a mental label and then proceed to attack that label – but I think it’s simply the case that the belief that they are against them is more empowering than their actual level of objection. One is reminded of Coleridge’s criticism; “You do not believe; you only believe that you believe”. 

I believe, based on what my recesses tell me, that I went to a Middle School disco in 1985. I haven’t given the matter much thought for years. If someone asked me how sure I was that the disco was in 1985, I’d say I think it was, but I might be a year or so out. If you proved to me that the disco was in 1984 I wouldn’t be very alarmed to find out I was one year out, because I don’t hold the belief rigidly.

That’s what I think the issues of homosexuality, women bishops, divorcees remarrying, etc are like for those who get upset about them – they believe their beliefs are honestly felt, but I think if you asked them to subject themselves to some brutal self-honesty you would find that those beliefs are more culturally driven – rather like an infection that gets passed on from Christian to Christian. Put it this way – if you’d have given these people a Bible and left each of them alone with it from childhood on a desert island with a lifetime supply of food and drink, I don’t think you would find when you returned in 30 years that they had adopted all these prejudices.

I think the reasons are fairly straightforward – why on earth should you be bothered about whether a homosexual couple decides to express their love for one another with a civil partnership? Why should you care if a once divorced woman finds love again and wants to express that love by getting remarried in a CofE church? Why get so uptight about the many talented women who demonstrate their gifts and abilities in church leadership? Why should Catholics care if a couple wants to use contraception, or if a non-Catholic wishes to take communion in a Catholic Church when visiting the church? These people aren’t doing any harm to you. 

What does anybody actually gain from condemning a woman bishop or a homosexual couple?  Nothing, as far as I can tell.  What they lose though is a lot, because humans really ought to minimise suffering as much as possible – and believe me, people who are ostracised or marginlised do suffer the effects of this stigmatisation. They are made to feel like they always have to be on the defensive – and many times they come away from church life quite hurt and despondent. 

Here’s the other thing; no one is saying you have to accept homosexuals or divorcees or women bishops – if acceptance really isn’t in your constitution then you are free to think as you see fit. But I think you would be more blessed and emotionally renewed if you could find it in your heart to accept those you denounce. Your hostility isn’t going to make a gay man straight, nor will it turn a female vicar away from the church. But your refusal to publicly condemn and your willingness to keep it as a private frustration will be a good thing – because it admits the humility of saying ‘I might be wrong about this issue, so I’ll err on the side of caution’. By all means let us speak out against things we feel called to challenge; but let’s use some sense of prudence is working out what the real core problems are. Then it might become clear that people’s gender or past mistakes or sexual orientation are none of our business.

In order to give yourself the best chance of making a sound judgement, try this little exercise.  Whenever you are arguing for or against what you feel to be one of the big issues, pretend you have to put yourself in the shoes of the person with whom you disagree. Next, use all the knowledge and brainpower you have to argue his (or her) position for him on his behalf. One cannot easily fail to appreciate the other person’s position once one has made an honest and persuasive effort to defend it. There is something quite noble in trying to defend the position opposite to one’s own; it will certainly help the formation of a balanced view, and will either give you better reasons to justify your original belief or it will give you a perspective of the opposite belief that you didn’t previously have. Either way your position is strengthened, and your life journey will be more enriched.